On today’s episode, Elle sits down with Dr. Jay Warren, a prenatal and pediatric chiropractor in San Diego. He is the host of two popular podcasts, “Healthy Births, Happy Babies,” and “The Dadhood Journey.” He is also an ICPA instructor, and has created online courses to help pregnant women learn prenatal bonding techniques, as well as a New Dads Class that helps men with the transition to fatherhood. Jay comes on the show to talk about how (specifically) men experience their partner going through labor and birth, the male archetypes of Protector and Provider and how these can be translated into the birthing room in a productive manner, and what postpartum depression looks like in men and how to find and look for help and support in your community and friend groups.
“Regardless of where you’re gunna be birthing, I think that experience can be so powerful, and so beautiful, and such a happy, healthy launch into parenthood and as a family together.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“You just don’t know what you don’t know.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“What I really got out of it was just how important the birth team around us was, not just for mom, but for me as well.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“I think it’s so important for dads to learn what natural birth looks like!” – Dr. Jay Warren
“A lot of dads have a hard time in birth because they’re seeing – we’re seeing our partner in pain, suffering, having difficulty, and those kind of things, and we want to fix it!” – Dr. Jay Warren.
“It’s coming from the Protector that’s wanting to protect her from the birthing pain… Instead, let’s use the Protector to protect the space of the birth.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“We all have that protective nature inside of us that we can tap into when we need it… You have to know when it’s needed and when it’s not, and how to channel that constructively.” – Elle Kennedy
“We can have these kind of conversations before the birth and say like ‘These are amazing things that you can do that are incredible supports that’s going to be doing something and supportive of your partner.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“It sounds passive, because you have this pent up energy of like ‘I need to slay the dragon!’” – Elle Kennedy
“Most men think like ‘Well, this is like, a woman’s experience. Like, what am I doing there?’” – Dr. Jay Warren
“We belong at the birth. It’s just very new and we don’t have generational references – like, we’re not hearing from our dads what they did. So we can – that information and knowledge and wisdom can be passed down. And it’s brand new culturally, so there isn’t a lot of conversation amongst peers around ‘This is what birth is like and what you can do.’ There’s a big shift going on, and it’s brand new.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“I really want dads to understand that this is powerfully bonding for you and your child.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“If dads can be fully immersed in the oxytocin experience of the birth and, like, bathed in that as well as mom and baby, then the triad of mom, dad, and baby is gunna launch into parenthood in a totally different way than if dad thinks he’s gotta kind of, like, jump in later on down the line.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“The expectations placed on dads now is very different than a generation ago.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“I think absolutely a doula is important, because they’re taking such a different kind of supportive role that helps everyone involved, but it’s not replacing dad, nor is a dad replacing a doula.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“The dad, the partner, the birthing person – this is their first, second, maybe third or fourth time going through this. But your doula is experienced. They know what normal physiological birth looks like. This is their job. This is what they do day in, day out. This is what they have studied, and done research on, and taken classes and trainings and webinars, and all of the things to offer this specific kind of support.” – Elle Kennedy
“I am still learning. I am still hearing new information. Every person – every single person – we have on the show, whether it is a birth professional or whether it is somebody just coming on to share their birth story – I am learning from them, and I’m absorbing their stories and their information and I bring that into that space. I bring that knowledge of ‘This is what physiological birth can look like. This is what physiological birth is.’” – Elle Kennedy
“A lot of birthing people don’t realize they won’t admit you to a hospital or birthing center until you are x amount along… On average, it’s 5-6 centimeters… but your doula can still come to your home and help you while you’re birthing there because I think a lot of people don’t realize it’s still gunna take time to get to that five, six centimeter mark.” – Elle Kennedy
“I’ve seen women go into birth with a specific birth plan: ‘This is how it’s gunna be. I took the birth class. I know how it’s all gunna work.’ And when it doesn’t go that way, on the other side there’s a lot of disillusionment, there can be anger, all kinds of emotion around it because it didn’t go ‘to plan.’ Which, you know, as a birthing professional, like, we know that rarely ever happens.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“This wasn’t what I planned, but this is what it is.” – Elle Kennedy
“‘This is the story that’s being written.’ And we have to learn: what are the mechanisms that we personally need to cope with the story that’s being written? Because we don’t have all of the control. A lot of it is out of our hands.” – Elle Kennedy
“When you’re in the middle of this story, I mean, there was an ending of it, but the perspective hasn’t yet come to that experience to understand the story.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“I don’t wish that experience on myself every again, or anyone else, but this is what I can gain from it. But when you’re in the middle of it, like, you’re not at that time yet.” – Dr. Jay Warren
“Postpartum depression exists in males as well.” – Dr. Jay Warren
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Today’s guest: Dr. Jay Warren
Dr. Jay Warren is a prenatal and pediatric chiropractor in San Diego where he works with new families everyday. Dr. Jay is the host of two popular podcasts “Healthy Births, Happy Babies” and “The Dadhood Journey”, as well as an instructor for the ICPA (International Chiropractic Pediatric Association). He has created online courses helping pregnant women learn prenatal bonding techniques and a New Dads Class that helps men with the transition into fatherhood. He is also the proud father to his son, Niko, who inspires him to strive to be a better person and better dad everyday.
Resources related to today’s episode:
Who are Elle and Taylor?
Elle Kennedy is a maternity, birth, and family photographer and doula based in Orange County, California. She’s a mother of two, a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and an advocate for consent and respect for personal preferences during pregnancy, labor, birth, and postpartum. She homeschools, is polyamorous, loves tea and scones, and loves using her free time to create and bake.
Dr. Taylor Garcia is a Webster Certified Chiropractor located in the Orange County, California area, with a family practice that focuses on pregnant persons and babies. She is currently going through the International Chiropractic Pediatric Association’s certification program and plans to have that completes by 2021. While not a mama yet, she is the consummate “mom friend,” and hopes to adopt with her partners in about 5 years. She is part of the LGBTQ+ community and polyamorous. She believes in focusing on health and wellness from before birth, and using that as a firm foundation for health and wellness throughout life. She believes in the importance of connection and consent in all aspects of life. She is a dancer, a writer, a bookworm, and a fan of music and musicals.
Facebook: Elle Kennedy Photography
Facebook: Dr. Taylor Garcia, DC